It's only natural that your children will have questions about the separation. They may come up immediately or over time. Listen carefully to their concerns, treat their questions seriously, and answer their questions as honestly and openly as you can.
General tips for handling your kid's questions
It's OK to take a few moments to consider the question before you respond. You might need to take more time to consider. Let them know you while consider and let them know as soon as you can.
Too much information all at once can be confusing, and too many details may only upset them further. Ask them if you have answered their question before providing more details.
If you don't have all of the answers, be honest about it and then explain that you will let them know as soon as you can. Make sure you follow through with this promise.
Too much uncertainty can cause a lot of stress. Some kids might use their imaginations to fill in the blanks. Remind them of the things you do know and what won’t change.
Do not blame or disrespect the other parent. Speaking badly about the other parent can really upset or confuse your child and put them in a difficult position. See Keeping Kids Out of the Middle.
Be clear with your communication this will build trust and empower your child. It will allow them to express themselves effectively. Stick to the normal way you communicate with your kid.You know best what is age-appropriate for them.
Protective Factor
It’s a process, not a one-time event. Be patient with your children. It may take them some time to digest the information.
Hold family meetings on a regular basis to give children a chance to talk about what's on their mind
If you have more than one child, make opportunities for one-on-one time with each of them. Some children may feel more comfortable talking about their concerns without their siblings around
Do what you can to keep the dialogue, any dialogue, going between you and your children. One of the best ways to keep your kids communicating with you is to have conversations with them about everyday things too. If every conversation seems to be about separation and divorce, they may soon start to avoid them altogether.
Do not force discussions, particularly about the separation. Always consider their mood and frame of mind. Kids have bad days too!
Respect their 'space' and need to be alone with their thoughts sometimes
If you sense they are tiring during a discussion or “have had enough”, end the conversation and continue it at another time
Reassure them that they can talk to you about anything that worries or concerns them
Give your child your full attention when they ask questions or are talking to you
Do not interrupt them. Let them finish what they have to say
Treat their comments or questions seriously, especially about the separation or divorce
Don’t assume because they don’t ask questions that they don’t have any. Some kids need more encouragement than others.
Give them lots of time to think about their questions.
Read books with characters who go through a separation to try and spark conversation.
Tell your children that it is OK to ask questions about the separation or divorce, even if they think the question might upset you or the other parent.